fluryofflames8

so... it looks like I've ended up letting my lj go un-updated for a whole month now... I'm sorry! Please don't make the lj updating gods/goddesses strike me with lightning! I promise I'll try not to neglect my lj for a month again!

Okay, now that that's over, this month has been horrible on me, for the most part at least. I have had some of my most stressful times this month, and that's no joke. For one thing, my overly bitchy and hormonal western civ. teacher, Mrs. Moller, was extremely bitchy and hormonal this month. I swear all that woman ever does is complain about how we don't study and obviously don't care enough about her class to at least try to pass it. Bullshit! She does NOT understand how hard her class really is. Either that, or she really does know how hard her class is and just enjoys making our whole class hate her guts. Seriously, students taking western civ. at our local colleges have even told us that her class is much harder than the college western civ. class. Now you would think that would make her wake up and smell the roses (extremely thorn-ridden roses), but no, not her. But thankfully, Mrs. Hormonal Bitch went on her maternity leave early because Baby Moller decided he wanted to come early. I swear I absolutely love that child now, because, hopefully, I won't have to see Mrs. Moller's face again before my classes end.

With that being said, we now have a totally awesome sub, Mr. Hendrix, who is WAY better than Mrs. Hormonal Bitch. He just made copies of the typed notes Mrs. Bitch sent him and gave them to us and told us which chapters to read. Then, rather than lecturing us for the whole hour, we just simply talked about World War II and its after effects(which, in my opinion, is much better than lecturing because you actually remember what you talk about). So yeah, if Mrs. Moller doesn't come back before I graduate this year and Mr. Hendrix stays as our sub, I will be the happiest girl on Earth(at least for a little while).

Moving on, I've also had a lot of stress college-wise this month. After prom(which I will discuss later in this post) I kinda got a little(okay, a lot) scared and really anxious and starting looking at my options should I completely freak out and decide to go in-state. I swear, this is why I should not be left alone with my thoughts after events like prom. I start thinking too much and then I get scared and completely freak out and overreact. It really isn't healthy for me. Anyway, I spent about 2 weeks thinking over EVERYTHING and freaking out and having a nervous breakdown nearly every day before I finally talked to personsama and she managed to calm me way down. So, I was finally able to pull myself together and stop thinking about all that sad stuff, at least enough that it hasn't caused me to have a nervous breakdown again(which is very, very good, especially considering I had one of my best gay friends, Ethan, completely freaking out over me).

So, going back to prom. It was actually one of my few good, non-stressful experiences this month. I got all dressed up in this really pretty dress and had my hair cut really short(I now look like Alice from Twilight :P) and Ethan absolutely would not let me do anything for myself. Despite the fact that I felt completely ridiculous at several points during the night and that I was literally on the verge of kicking Ethan's ass for treating me like some damsel in distress the whole night, it was actually really fun. The music sucked most of the time, but thanks to Ethan(yes, him again. I swear, gay guys are worse than straight guys at prom as far as the whole not letting you do anything for yourself thing) I ended up dancing a lot more than I would have any other time and even managed to really loosen up. So, I had a lot of fun, and going with Ethan was probably the best choice I could have ever made regarding prom. Ethan is my absolute best guy friend, and he's really sweet and I know I have absolutely nothing to worry about because, like I said, he's gay. But, the main point is that I was completely comfortable going to prom with Ethan and never felt awkward around him, not even once. Then again, I never do, even though we hug a lot, and we give each other a kiss on the cheek every now and then. One of our teachers(Mrs. Knox, Biology II teacher for me, and biology I teacher for Ethan) even thought for the longest time that Ethan and I were going to start going out, and she even tried to get us to go out several times. Then Ethan told her he was gay, and she stopped playing match maker.

On a slightly in-the-present note, Nox Oti(night of leisure in Latin) was this past weekend. A group of about 50 give or take people in JCL (Latin club) went out to a cabin we rented at Lake Darbone and spent the night. We mostly stayed up playing board/card games and hanging around the fire outside and talking. I spent most of my time with Ethan since I'll be going off to college in PA soon, and we both want to spend as much of our time together as we can before that time. I learned that I'm really good at playing speed(really fast-paced card game) and that I can actually beat Ethan at it, when I want to. I beat him several times Friday night and into Saturday morning(around 3 or 4:00 in the morning), but by the time I woke up later Saturday morning(it was around 11 or 12 when we played speed again) I ended up tying with Ethan twice and then he started winning. We ended up staying up til 4:00 saturday morning and then woke up around 9 later on. So, it was a pretty tiring weekend for us, and I am still pretty exhausted.

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom for dresses to wear to the Scholar's Banquet next Monday and to the graduation ceremony in may. I was so tired that I'm surprised I actually managed to find the stuff I needed. But I had fun, especially when my mom and I went into Bath&Body works and spent nearly an hour in there. But, for some reason, after leaving that story and going into JC Penny's along with some other stores, I kept sneezing every time I came across another perfume or cologne. It was really weird.

So, on another, completely unrelated note, I've been reading quite a few teen/love/gay/lesbian/other related stories lately. One book I recently read was Love (And Other Uses For Duct Tape). It really is an awesome book. I swear, the story is practically the story of my life, give or take a gay ex-boyfriend and a pregnant best friend. The main character, Belle, thinks so much like I do, and she's had so many different scenarios in her life that are very similar to my own. I really related to her and her story, and I absolutely LOVED the book. The author, Carrie Jones, is an amazing writer, and her writing is pretty similar to another of my new-found favorite authors, David Levithan. Ethan absolutely LOVES David Levithan, and so, I had a feeling he would like Carrie Jones too, so I gave him the book I read by her for his birthday on Friday. So far, he loves it too.

Back to David Levithan, I recently read his book, The Realm of Possibility. I LOVE it. It's a compilation of poems about 20 different students from the same school. It tells their stories and shows how they are all connected. It's a book that anyone can relate to. Gays, Bis, Lesbians, straight people, all of them. It's a really amazing book, and I'm really glad Ethan introduced me to this author. I've also read David Levithan's Wide Awake, and I also suggest it as a great read. I also plan to read Boy Meets Boy and some of Levithan's other books as well(I just need to get the money to get them :P).

Well, I think I've pretty much caught up on all the stuff I've neglected to write about on here. I would talk about today, but all I really did today was go through my usual routine at school and finish reading The Realm of Possibility. Other than that, I have been kinda down today, and I don't really know why. I think it might just be because I'm tired and have still been thinking about the fact that graduation is so close and my going off to PA for college is just as close. I guess i just need to stop thinking about it, but it's kinda hard to do that when every little thing seems to remind me of it. I guess my main problem is that I'm just worried about how my mom and my really close friends(especially Ethan) are going to handle me being so far away. Me and my mom already both broke down crying the other night about it(I really wasn't too happy about that. I hate it when my mom cries). But, I guess as long as I keep in touch with everybody and come home every chance I get, I should be able to survive it.

Anyway, here's hoping for the best to come!
Well, I think I'm all out of stuff to right, so bye-bye for now!

I leave you with this, a little exert from The Realm of Possibility:

So.... I feel really sorry for poor Italy...

You see, my Western Civilization teacher, Mrs. Moller, gave our class of a mere 9 an assignment where we each picked a partner and chose one of the main "winning" countries of World War I (namely, Britain, France, U.S., and Italy) and then one person got to be Germany by his/herself. Then, we all had to research our country and represent the country in our mock Treaty of Versailles peace talk where we would present what our country wanted and then we would decide what to do with the matters which popped up during that time. So, guess who I represented? Got it yet? Anyone?

If you guessed Italy, you were correct. So, I figured, you know, the leaders who signed the original Treaty of Versailles gave Italy only a very small portion of the land which was promised to Italy in the Secret Treaty of London, but that was just because Italy didn't stand up for itself. So, my partner and I decided that we WOULD stand up for Italy, and then we would get everything we were promised. Sounds like a good plan, right? Wrong.

It completely failed. I mean, my partner, Steven, and I really did stand up for Italy, and we were even nice to Germany and offered to help pay its debt as compensation for leaving them. But did we get anything in return for our efforts during the war and our assistance? NO. WE DID NOT GET ANYTHING!!

Seriously, Britain, France, and the U.S. are complete bullies! Now I know why Vittorio Orlando was so furious and why the Italians complained about being ignored. Because they were ignored! Completely IGNORED!

So, after a success in revising the Treaty of Versailles in order to make it less harsh in blaming Germany for the entire war and a complete FAILURE in revising it in favor of Italy so that we might NOT be ignored, Italy just decided that they never should have signed that stupid Secret Treaty of London and should just go back to Germany and compensate for leaving them, and then, join forces with them again and completely DESTROY Britain, France, and the U.S.

You know, this is why Italy was on Germany's side in World War II, but, poor Axis Powers, they lost, AGAIN. But, with the way things went in our mock peace talk in Western Civ., World War III will start very soon in our class and Italy WILL have its revenge on the "Big Three."

Well, that's all the ranting I have for now.
Poor Italy... We're sorry Germany. We really do love you, the "Big Three" are just horrible, manipulating bullies.

Axis Powers FTW.

So, this weekend I went up to Williamsport, PA to visit Lycoming College's campus and to check out the small town of only 20,000 people. The very long flight up to Williamsport was... VERY long. We had to take 3 different planes just to get there. First, we had to drive from my home town in West Monroe to Jackson, MS and then we had to fly from there to Charlotte, NC. Then from there we flew to Philadelphia, PA and then to the extremely small airport in Williamsport. Seriously, that airport is smaller than the one in Monroe. The security doesn't even open there unless there's a plane flying out.

So anyway, once we were finally in Williamsport, we went to get our luggage only to discover that our luggage was still in Philly. Yeah... we were NOT happy. But, the people at the airport said that our luggage would be on the next flight to Williamsport, which, unfortunately, would not arrive until 10:30 that night, and it was 3:00 at that point. But, all considering, we managed to put that little incident behind us and went to our hotel and then went exploring Williamsport.

Williamsport is absolutely beautiful. It is one of the most amazing places I have ever been. It's small, but it has a lot to offer. There are all these Victorian-style houses and some that look almost exactly like the Halliwell manner from Charmed, and there are so many mountains all over the place. Not to mention it's REALLY cold up there, but that just made me love it even more. Everyone is really nice and friendly there too. I swear, every person I met was so nice and they had nothing but good things to say about Williamsport and Lycoming.

Speaking of Lycoming, on Saturday we went to Lycoming's campus, after getting only about 6 hours of sleep after having waited til 12:00 at night to finally get our luggage, and went to the open house they were having. I got to meet my admissions counselor and he was such a nice guy. He was really helpful too. He even turned in my entries for the creative writing and art portfolio scholarships for me. My mom and I also got to talk to one of the professors in the english department, and we learned a lot about the curriculum there. After that we took a tour of the campus with a couple of other girls and their parents.

Let me tell you, Lycoming's campus is absolutely GORGEOUS. There was snow here and there from the last snowfall they had, and the buildings had this really modest but really beautiful look to them, and the entire campus was just so amazing in its own way. I can't even explain it. It wouldn't do it justice. I mean, it's small, but it is still so amazing. I really can't wait to go there.

So, after spending some time at Lycoming and talking with the students and teachers there and even eating lunch with one of the girls that we took the tour with and her mom, my mom and I went out to this ski resort called Ski Sawmill, and we both took some lessons. My mom took skiing lessons and I took snowboarding lessons. Trust me, snowboarding is a lot harder than it looks. But before I get to that, we didn't realize just how important all that ski gear as far as clothes and such really is. My mom and I had to buy all of it while we were there because, as we discovered, you can't really go out in the snow in jeans. So, we ended up buying ski jackets, snow pants, snow gloves, and goggles. Then we had to rent the boots and equipment we needed. Then, after we had been out waiting for our instructors, it actually started snowing, and it was really coming down. The thing is, everyone we talked to that day said that it was NOT going to snow, and yet, a blizzard hit.

So anyway, I absolutely LOVED my instructor. He was really fun and friendly, and he did nothing but encourage me and tell me how well I was doing even if it didn't feel like it (seeing as I fell about a hundred times). But he was probably only a couple years older than me and so it was really easy to work with him and I was able to talk really easily with him too. I actually managed to pick up everything pretty quickly, despite the several times I fell, although I did still have some problems with actually standing up on my board, but other than that, I pretty much have the basics down. So I had a really awesome time snowboarding, and I realized that I REALLY love it. I even found out that if I learn to snowboard really well and continue to like it, I may be able to get a job as an instructor at Ski Sawmill because they'll need more instructors when they open up again in October. So, I am definitely looking forward to that.

Unfortunately, we had to leave on Sunday so we really didn't have that much time to spend in Williamsport, and to be honest, I really didn't want to go home. I was ready to move up there right then. But, I guess I just have to wait til august... But, at least I have something to look forward to now.

Unfortunaetly (again), our trip home Sunday wasn't too great. We had two 3-hour lay-overs and one of them ended up being 4 1/2 hours because something went wrong with the plane that was supposed to take us to Jackson. Add that to the 2 hours it took us to drive back to West Monroe, and it took us about 14 hours just to get back home. NOT fun. In addition, I'm also very sick with a sinus infection now and I have been sore since sunday morning from snowboarding. You'd be surprised just how much you have to use your arm muscles when learning to snowboard...

But, even after all that, I still really enjoyed my trip to Williamsport, and I can't wait to go back.

So yeah, I just got home from my first day of work at Tinsel Town, West Monroe's #1 source of entertainment, and I am EXHAUSTED. Selling tickets is a lot harder than it looks, especially on weekends. I've never seen so many people in one night in one place before. I experienced a lot of really intense selling tonight, and for the first few hours of work, I was nervous as hell and kept making a lot of mistakes (mostly because my boss kept checking up on me and watching me like a hawk O.o). But after I took my break and went back to work with Christie, a friend of mine from school who happens to work at Tinsel Town as well (thank goodness she was there to help me through everything. I LOVE you, Christie. Seriously), and my boss stopped checking in every few minutes, I actually did pretty well. I didn't even make any more mistakes until my boss came in close to the end of my shift (then I only made a few counting mistakes with the money, but my boss caught them. The only reason I made those mistakes was because my boss was there and made me nervous again >.>).

Anyway, tonight was pretty tiring, what with the never-ending line of customers, the under-17 teenagers trying to sneak into the rated-R movies, those same under-17 teenagers complaining about me asking for their i.d.'s etc., etc.... And on top of all that, I had to go to the two kiosks which we had open tonight and take down the "Sold Out" stickers. One sticker in particular gave me a LOT of trouble because it was on a movie time at the very top of the board, and so, I had to climb up on the counter in order to get it down. Let me tell you, climbing up on a counter in the ticket booth with tall glass windows on one side, a very heavy movie board on the other side, and the step-ladder 2 feet away from you and the hard floor about 3 feet below, is kinda scary. Not to mention, it really hurt my already tired legs.

But, I did experience some fun times, like hanging with Christie and listening to all the jokes she made regarding our job, and then hearing my boss complain about how rude the customers were whenever I said "Thank you, hope you enjoy your show" and they just stared at me O.o... Also, one guy that bought some tickets pulled a fast one on me and told me to enjoy my show ^^. It was pretty funny, and it made me laugh. He was really nice, and I really needed that laugh at the time because I was soooo tired and really needed a pick-me-up.

So yeah, that's my story of my first day of work at Tinsel Town. It really wasn't as bad as feared, but it certainly wasn't as easy as I once thought it would be... far from it actually. But, I'm pretty certain that I can handle it, and I know that after I've had some more practice I won't be near as nervous around my boss or about messing up. And I might even get used to the rude customers and be able to answer anything they throw at me with a smile :P.

Well, that's all I have for you now. My brain's getting tired, so no more writing for now. Catch you again next time!

So yeah, I'm exhausted. I really shouldn't be, but for some reason, I have been nearly falling asleep all day. I actually went to bed before 1:00 a.m. last night, but it apparently didn't matter because I was STILL tired enough to pass out all day. Unfortunately, being so tired isn't very beneficial to me right now, seeing as I still need to write some pieces for my creative writing scholarship at Lyco, AND I need to work on my report for English. So, considering this, I'm probably going to take a nap soon and then, MAYBE, start working later.
On another note, I now have a job at the #1 entertainment center in my town. Tinsel Town. I'll be working in the box office selling tickets, so that shouldn't be too hard. I got the job mainly to earn some extra cash to pay for A-kon, gas for the trip to Dallas (where A-kon is held), and money for the hotel stay. Not to mention I also need money for the fabric and other supplies I'll need to make my cosplay.
Regarding cosplays, there has been ANOTHER change,(I know, I'm really indecisive... >.>). Anyway, the decision has been made and actually set for an Organization XIII cosplay. personsama  and I will be cosplaying as Xigbar (personsama ) and Axel (me) from Organization XIII. So, I will need to get a lot of stuff in order to work on this cosplay, not including weapons, yet (we WILL be making them eventually, at least before the kon). We'll also still be cosplaying as Soubi (personsama ) and Ritsuka (me) from Loveless, but it will only be for registration day, since it's such an easy cosplay. So, we'll be putting all of our work into the Organization cosplays.
Well, so far it's been a pretty exhausting week, but hopefully it will get better. Especially considering that I have to start work on Friday, and being completely exhausted would not be at all helpful. Well, wish me luck, and have a good day.

So, for the past several days I have been working on my senior research project for my English class, and let me tell you, it is a LOT of work. And on top of this paper, I also have to actually finish reading the book that my paper is on, finish revising/redoing my term paper for western civilization, read four chapters in my outrageously boring western civ text book by friday, and look for a job. So, in order to get all this done, I have pretty much buried myself in my work, and I have not stopped AT ALL.
But, all considering, I'm actually not stressed at all. It's very surprising, seeing as how I usually stress over everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. But I have noticed that, usually, whenever I throw myself into my work like this and do nothing but that work for days, I usually just forget about everything else that usually stresses me out. It's kind of my own twisted little stress reliever. In fact, I just finished writing out several note cards which aren't even due until NEXT wednesday and a thesis statement that isn't due til tomorrow at the end of class. I'm way ahead of schedule. And you know, when I finished doing all that, I STILL wanted to write something. Shocking, no?
So, of course, I got on here and started to write all this. Hopefully, one of the three places I'm currently applying to will hire me soon, and I'll have something else to occupy my time besides term papers. Because, apparently, I can't just write term papers every day. Go figure.
Of course, the main reason I'm looking for a job is so I can start getting supplies for my cosplays and starting sewing and doing all that other fun stuff. Speaking of which, I also need the money for a sewing machine... And on that note, in reference to the journal I posted before this one, I will not be cosplaying as Sasuke after all. I will instead be cosplaying as Shuichi from Gravitation and Ritsuka from Loveless. (still keeping the D.Gray-man cosplay too, fyi)
Well, unfortunately, I still have to read about 100 pages of my western civ textbook for my test friday, so I should probably get off and go do that... ugh. Wish me luck! See you next entry!

Wow... I haven't posted anything on my lj in sooooooo long. It's kinda scary O.o... Anyway, I might as well start off my return to Livejournal with a bang. I just got back from our Jazzum dance for JCL (Junior Classical League) and it was a BLAST. I had so much fun. I'm really glad I went this year too, because, seeing as I'm a senior, this was my last chance to go to the dance as a student. I'll probably end up going next year too when I come home for a visit from Lycoming in PA, but it won't really be the same, so I really did my best to really enjoy this dance. And you know what, I had the time of my life! Even though me and Ethan (my bi friend whom I just met this year and who's a year and two grades below me but who has become one of my absolute best friends) did end up talking about graduation and how it's only 5 months away... :(. But we quickly put that little detail aside and desided to just enjoy the time we had to spend together. It was an awesome night of dinner, dancing, and lots of fun with the people I loved. Well, if this isn't an awesome way to introduce my come-back, then I don't what is :P.
While I'm talking here, I guess I should go ahead and mention that I'll be working on cosplays for A-kon for the next 5 months as well. I'll be cosplaying Sasuke from Naruto and Allen Walker from D.Gray-man. So far, I only have my wig for Sasuke, but I've still got a lot to do. I'll upload pictures on here as the cosplays come together, so be looking forward to that.
Well, as much as I enjoy spilling my heart out on here once again, that dance REALLY tire me out... So, I'm going to head to bed. It's sooooo good to be back. Later.

ok i had my first day back at school after my trip today. it was actually an ok day. shocking isn't it? well, i've become much more optimistic since my trip, and frankly, i like it. i feel like i'm finally able to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks. it's that whole "good change for me" thing. i've also vowed to myself that if i have something to say, i will say it, and if i have an opinion, i will voice it. and if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to listen. so, basically, i'm going to take advantage of our freedom of speech and i'm not going to let anyone take that from me.

finally home after about 8 days of being off in NY and DC. it was so much fun, i'm still not sure i'm really ready to be home, but either way, here i am. i'm not going to jump into a full explanation of everything i did, because i'm way too exhausted for that right now. but i will say that i had the best time of my life on that trip, and i cetainly hope to do it again some day. well, here's a little bit of good news, i'm kind of seeing someone again. his name is Bruce and we go together during the trip. he's in ROTC and is a real gentlemen but he knows how to have fun and loves to pick on me a lot, but that's okay because i do the same thing. but the best part of this is that i'm actually REALLY happy with him. i'm so much happier with him than i ever was with josh actually. and you know, i had some friend on the trip point out that i'm a lot happier now that i'm not with josh anymore, and i have to agree with them, 100%. anyway, i'm really glad i went on this trip because it really has changed me a lot, for the better, and i'm happy about it. i know so many people tell me to never change and all that, but i haven't changed for anyone else, i've changed for me and it's a really good change. i'm still the same person, just a little more confident, a lot less scared, and a lot more willing to live in the moment and not worry about where the next step is taking me. like i said, it's a good kind of change, and i wouldn't trade it for the world. so, now that you've heard that, how badly do YOU want to go to new york? ;D